Thursday, February 15, 2001

I'm not feeling very content right now. nor am i feeling really sad.
eh. I'm going to this formal tea party on monday... hence the word formal-- which means there's a dress code, which means I'll have to wear something dressy-- which means I will be doing massive amounts of thrift store shopping by monday, heh, alone.

Wednesday, February 14, 2001

damn. placebo-rap :( .. not a good mix [spite and malice].
if you want it did you never want the more

Monday, February 12, 2001

Contents of day: Woke up late. Rush rush hurry hurry, almost miss bus/ school-- batteries died. everything died./English-- idiot freshman devoured in pathetic heart shaped candy./break-- orange juice, content with orange juice./history-- valentines boundary breaker, tears weld up in eyes from romantic and nostalgic responses, I’m a pathetic fuck./lunch- sat outside bio class reviewing for test, noticed fellow classmates, distracted.../bio- do poorly on test- no better than a B-./--desist.
I should be working extremely hard on my homework right now. not downloading crap and typing in this blog.
said hi to me today....I feel bad for him though, he hardly hangs around anyone. I'll see him at lunch... alone. Well, then again, I guess that's kind of admirable.

Saturday, February 10, 2001

backspace. delet.
Content of day; Woke up, cleaned my room to the deepest level of clean while listening to music abnormally loud, went thrift store shopping with girl on block, bought outfit, got sauce on one of my favorite ties :(, and then had a conversation with my brother consisting of Sean and Zach.
Apparently Sean has been telling people that my brother is gay. And APPARENTLY, there have been incidents when Zach [whom I had issues with at the beginning of the school year regarding the way I dress not being 'freakish' enough to be included in that-so-called-pathetic-group] and Sean having called my brother gay BECUASE of the way he eats his nutterbutter candy bar. AND Sean has also made remarks towards my brother hunching that my brother is gay and just in 'denial'. I suppose I'm drawn to the conclusion that they feel this way a) because my brother doesn’t talk very often or b) because they think they're funny. Well, ONE, my brother keeps quiet and to himself, because HE CHOSES WHO DESERVES TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH HIM, and does NOT just talk to people because ''ohhh mannn, you do drugs, that's so cool'' or ''heyyyy man, your patch is the coolest thing ever- DID YOU GET IT FROM HOTTOPIC mannn". He’s kept quiet because of that, and not because he's gay. And, TWO, Sean nor Zach are funny, but merely pathetic and sarcastic in their own melodramatic kind of way. I would not be as bothered as I am, if Sean did not talk to EVERYONE as if he has the power to deprecate them; which he does not. And it wouldn’t bother me so much if Sean wouldn’t convince himself that EVERY girl loves him because he's so charming, but charming he IS NOT, he is only a womanizing cocky asshole. And I wouldn’t be so bothered right now if SEAN DIDNT GET SO OFFENDED WHEN PEOPLE CALLED HIM A TERM REFERRING TO BEING A HOMOSEXUAL. My brother can handle when he is called something based on his physical appearance, and I know this, because I know that my brother is one of the very few people that do not allow clothing to determine who they are. Now, I'm not just writing this defend my brother, it's the fact that they both can go out of their way to contradict every little thing that bothers them and use it against somebody else.
I'm not just writing this without intention of sharing my thoughts to Sean, because of course, I will...

Friday, February 09, 2001

backspace. delet.
I have this problem with run on sentences, therefore, my letter to "macho in California" will NOT be given the highest grade, but the same grade as that lowlife maggy :( AND HER LETTER WAS NOT MESMERIZING ENOUGH. well, then again, neither was mine. GODDAMN i have absolutely way too much time on my hands and I must do something something something something. oh hey, I'm contributing myself to the leily-a-died [or diet].
I'm just going to continue to discourse my boredom through my very very sad blog. Hm, I'm taking HS english 2 again, well, now i'm in honors english 2- and we're reading "romeo and juliet", and i must say that the book is MUCH better the second time around. I'm also reading 'the reader' which I plan on finishing this weekend if I don't get to go shopping- well, ok, this book is about a 15-year-old boy that lives in Germany and he falls madly inlove with this 36-year-old lady and they have a lot of sex, and although I'm only on page 60, the characters are VERY undistinguished. Personally, I feel this author lacks a vital book-writing quality. Oh well, I'm sure the story will get interesting, but she doesnt compare to poppy z. brite's ability to write. Sadly, though, I've decided to stop reading her books and i'm finding another author, becuase the last novel I read of hers [exquisite corpse] had the WORST ending. Jamie, Adrienne, and Emily would disagree... but they wouldnt know a good ending if it punched them in the head like a pokemon character.
I hate being belittled, especially when it comes to my own damn opinions.
Anyway, it really bothers me how I'm feeling VERY unapproachable, and it isn’t in that 'intimidated kind of way' either... I'm just a fucking loser. Kind of. Well, anyway, it isn’t peers I’m conversing over; it's my brilliant as fuck teachers. Yeah, I know, I'm just one sad excuse of a bloodyfuck.
I'm just going to read, and shop, and practice my sentence structure so I CAN RULE MY ENGLISH CLASS AGAIN :(

Thursday, February 08, 2001

Some white, tall, ugly ass gay boys that think they're cool only because theyre gay, are really starting to bother me [hint hint: matt].
I just spent a lot of damn time on homework. This semester I WILL get a 4.0 and i WILL get an A in both of my 6.5 period classes. Well, I know I'll pass History of American Film with flying colors.
I'm tired. Today was a mixture of multiple attitudes, some of which were well, some of which were not.
Shit. I just remember I have to do an Urgent Action for Amnesty :(

Wednesday, February 07, 2001

I'm sick, again.
And I'm sick of my mother. I ask her weeks in advance if she'll take me somewhere and I tell her the exact date and place and person... and then she says -ok- without actually saying it. So a few days before the event, I'll remind her again, and she plays little-bitch-girl-dumb, and STILL wont give me an exact answer. I guess I really don't mind if I don't go out this weekend, but I'm still angry at her.
I find that I'm becoming more and more nonfriendly. And i'm VERY FUCKING ANNOYED with this girl vicki right now, because she keeps talking on and on about this guy she asked to ask to winterball, this guy i used to like, and although i know he wont date her, and everyone else knows he wont date her, she's completely oblivious to everything. SHE'S REALLY ANNOYING. and if you know me- you know i'm annoying, times me, by one hundred, and you get HER. I think i'm gonig to make a new screen name, which only a selected few will know, well... a selected two.
now, this blog entry is starting to become a bunch of incoherent bitching about nothing, so, i'm leaving.